I was going through a box of papers today and found lyrics that I wrote a few years ago. I wrote them when our friend's daughter passed away. Their daughter was only two and a half. She was sweet, adorable, "tute," (cute) and such a brave little girl. She knew all about how Jesus loved her and would proudly tell you that too. She was daddy's little sweetheart, mommy's little dolly, and her brothers playmate. She loved the color pink and even wanted pink hockey equipment! Kelly and I were both expecting our third child at that time, due about a week apart in October.
Greg and I had gone to church that morning and another friend of ours came over to me. She put her arm around me and told me that Kylee had died suddenly the night before. She didn't know many details. I cried through the whole service. I knew immediately that we needed to go to them. We made the hour and a half trip that afternoon.
I remember standing on the front porch as we waited for the door to be opened. Kylee's grandpa opened the door and wrapped us in a hug right away. He said, "You came all this way? You didn't have to."
We said, "Of course, how could we not." We needed to be there for Darren and Kelly. They would have done the same for us. Everyone was in such a state of shock still. The air was full of disbelief and shocking reality that seemed too horrible to be true. When we walked in Kelly and Darren came to us right away and we hugged, our hearts broken for them and we cried. "I can't believe she's gone," was repeated over and over. The next hours were filled with people coming and going, food brought over, condolences, phone calls and many, many tears. Darren and Kelly told us the story of the night before. We felt completely helpless to take away the ache that was growing larger in their hearts by the minute. We prayed with them and finally we drove home.
I called Kelly every day for the next month or so. I didn't want her to feel alone or abandoned in her pain. I wished I lived closer so I could hug her every day too! I prayed with her and most of the time, felt completely inadequate to help beyond that. There were no words that would really help. They had our love and our prayers though. I just so badly wanted to take some of her hurt away. Sometimes all we would do was cry together on the phone.
God put the words to this song on my heart in a dream just shortly after Kylee died. I did not have the nerve to even tell Kelly about the song until months later. This coming May it will be four years since Kylee went to dance and run with Jesus. I did not think that three and a half years later, Kelly would be doing the same for me. She is very dear to my heart. I knew that she really understood the emptiness, the ache and yes, even the happiness, when we talked about our girls in heaven.
Now Kylee and Zoe play together happily in the presence of their Heavenly Father who loves them. He now gives them all the hugs and love that we wish we could and more. Today, this song has shot straight to my heart...(Disclaimer...Lol. I am not a professional song writer and so this song may not meet the standards of "properly written" lyrics, but it is what was on my heart.)
Verse 1
I walk along this road we call life
Sometimes it feels impossible to even take the next step
Hurt and disappointments are all around me
Unanswered questions lay on every side
So many trials we go through and battles we must fight
Through tears I call out, "God give me strength, I can't do this on my own."
And then I hear a voice so soft and low
I know it's Jesus, gently calling to me
Chorus
"Here is my hand, please take it
Here are my arms open wide
I can feel your heart aching
I hold every tear that you cry
When the load you carry, seems to much to bear
Come to Me, I will carry you."
Verse 2
My eyes are blinded with tears as my heart breaks with theirs
Now she runs happy and free, but God, why is she gone
She was so young, sweet and full of promise.
How can they go on
Where do they go from here God?
Please let me be your arms here on earth
To show Your love to them
Let them hear You say...
Chorus
Words and music written by Michelle Dueck
Copyright 2007
Here I pour out my heart. It contains both immense joy and great sorrow. God has walked with us every step of the way never leaving our sides, even for a second. I believe Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever! I will believe, hope and have faith.....even still.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16
Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a
Thank you Michelle... it's beautiful. Tears are healthy and after a good cry actually makes you feel a little better. You are an amazing woman, that has had way to many challenges thrown in your path, and everytime you have come out stron...ger. You are such an encouragement to me. Thanks for posting, and remembering. Everyone's lives go on, but we still like to remember and miss them so much, and I wish I knew the words to describe the wrenching pain that is left in our hearts, but there are none. Keep trusting and that God has everything in control. You are such an incredible person and wonderful Mom.
ReplyDeleteFrom Kylee's mom.