My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Never fear.....God is here!

You may chuckle at the title, but is is so true. God has never failed us.
There are so many times where I have had no idea how the little bit of money we had went as far as it did. It was a very supernatural thing. I am thankful for people who obey God's promptings too.
We were well looked after throughout the time Greg was sick and recovering from each of his surgeries (stories to follow).
With a new baby on the way, there were things we still needed to buy, things we had no money to buy.
Here is a write up of some of the blessings we received. I don't share these things to brag, but to show you that when you are in need, God is faithful. Always trust, stay positive, believe that He will provide what you need when you need it.
Checking the mailbox became a more interesting thing to do because every once in awhile, there was a cheque waiting there for us. Sometimes from someone we knew, sometimes we didn't have a clue who the person was, but God had laid it on their heart to send us something.
We would be getting low on groceries and there would be a knock at our door. Someone would show up with bags of groceries.
The mom's group at a local church called and said that they had talked and decided they wanted to help us out. They brought over a huge load of groceries including diapers, wipes and various baby necessities.
We won a hamper drawing through the cancer clinic.
We were selected by Farm Credit to be the sponsored family for christmas. They showed up with groceries, baby things, presents and some money.
A man approached our pastor and said he wanted to give some money at christmas time to a family in the church and asked if our pastor knew anyone. Our pastor told him of some families, us included. The man said he knew immediately that we were who he wanted to bless and he told our pastor to pass on the message that we were to use the money wherever we needed it and he wanted us to have a merry christmas.
Many friends and family gave to us financially to help meet our living costs and medical travel costs during that time.
The people my mom works with surprised her one day with a roomful of groceries for us. They had been collecting food for months. When they came to bring them in, it was literally a minivan full of food and necessities. Our little cupboards were full and overflowing.
The Kinsmen organization helped us twice with travel costs and daily expenses of being away from home. (GIVE TO TELEMIRACLE!!!!)
When we were on flights to go for surgeries for Greg or come home after them, we were upgraded for free a few times. The extra room was much appreciated when Greg was so uncomfortable sitting for long.
Our flight was delayed in Minneapolis once and so we were given lunch on the airport.
Friends and family helping us move to our new house (twice). The first time we were scheduled to be in Rochester for Greg's surgery the day of the move. Our friends and family got together and handled it all for us. Every detail was worked out and my mom even managed to get some unpacking done for me so I wouldn't have so much to do when we came home.
My mom said, "Some people will do anything to get out of having to move their things!"
We were blessed with meals brought to our door.
At Greg's last surgery, they would not let him leave the hospital without the antibiotics he was on. The problem was they were I.V. antibiotics that I had to give Greg through a PIC line in his arm. In order to travel with them, the medication had to be in these pressurized little chambers that would release the medication over a period of 15 to 20 minutes. The antibiotics in the pressurized chambers came to just over $300. We did not have $300 to pay for them before leaving the hospital. It was a long process with many phone calls back and forth between Sask Health and the Mayo Clinic. Sask Health would not pay for meds prescribed upon discharge from the hospital. There was a charitable organization affiliated with the hospital there in Rochester that stepped up to the plate and covered the cost of the meds for us.
Once we pulled into the gas station to get gas and a man who we knew, but not very well, paid for our gas before we got in to pay for it.
There were so many more things as well, I am sure I am leaving some out.
My heart is full and overflowing with gratitude........

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


2 Timothy 1:7  

For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound  mind.
Psalm 91     Psalm 23     Luke 12:22-31    

These scriptures and many others brought me great comfort through the moments when I thought I could not go on any longer (in my imperfect self, there were lots!)
I knew that God was with us in every moment. We were briefed on what the surgery was going to involve and what could happen during it. I know the Doctors have to inform you of the risks, but sometimes I have wished that they would just not say it, that somehow it could be said without saying, you know?
Somehow them putting it into words made me more nervous about it, though I wouldn't have wanted them to do the surgery without me knowing the risks either. I guess it just gave me more reason to pray harder!
Like I said in the last post, I was now around 8 months pregnant. We went into Regina on the 15th and stayed at my dad's overnight because we would have to be at the hospital early in the morning.
That was a rough night, Greg was in a lot of pain. We managed to get some sleep and in the morning the hospital called. The surgery was moved to the following day because something else had come up.
It was a let down and a relief in the same breath. We wanted to just get it over with and get this intrusive disease out of his body, but we were relieved for one more day together. I didn't want to think about the dangers lurking in this.  The night of the 16th was even worse that the night before. We were sleeping on a mattress on the floor in my dad's living room. Greg wasn't moving very easily at this point. It was a long, awful night with lots of tears shed. We turned out the lights and fear started to settle on us. "What if I don't make it?" Greg asked me. "I don't want to die. I want to be here to see our baby breathe it's first breath. I want to do so many more things in life." More tears from both of us. Greg was so uncomfortable and we had already given him pain meds. I tried propping him all different ways and nothing seemed to help. He was having trouble breathing if he laid flat, the pillows would not sit properly to lean him up on the mattress, it was not going well. My dad was so great that night. I felt so loved by him and I know Greg did too. He must have heard us moving around trying to get Greg comfortable and he came out to see if he could help. He used to be a paramedic and worked in the medical field for many years. He asked what Greg had taken for meds and told us what he could take in addition to it. He brought us a vaporizer to make the air easier for Greg to breathe, he brought some rub stuff out for Greg's sore muscles, he brought out a tape with healing scriptures on it for us to listen to and most importantly he brought his prayers out. Greg ended up sleeping sitting up in one of the recliners propped with pillows and a footrest, I ended up curling up on the love seat and Dad sat in the recliner opposite Greg and prayed. I finally fell asleep that night listening to my daddy pray over us. I was so thankful he was there and felt protected by him that night.
In the morning we got up and headed to the hospital. My dad came with us, again I was thankful to not be alone. They took Greg and got him settled and ready in pre-op when we arrived at the hospital. Then they let me in to sit with him til it was time to take him to the O.R.
Greg was very nervous and feeling quite queasy so they brought him something to calm him. Dad and I sat by Greg's bed and prayed with him as we waited.  The nurse came and said it was time, they were ready. Dad gave Greg's hand a squeeze and waited for me just outside the door as I walked beside the stretcher down the hallway. Our eyes were filled with tears, I was trying VERY hard not to show that I was scared. I wanted to hang onto his hand forever and not let go. Trusting people to look after your soul mate in a situation like this can be so difficult. Trusting God, I felt better about that option. The surgery was to be about 3 hours.
I watched them wheel him through the doors and out of sight. I smiled through my watery eyes till I could see him no more and then the tears poured. My dad wrapped me in his arms and suggested we go get something to eat. It was going to be a long day.
I really didn't feel like eating, but I knew it was necessary. I needed to be strong. My dad sat with me for the morning. Cathy, my other mom, came up for a bit as well. My mom arrived part way through the morning. I was so thankful to have my parents there with me. They were the best support I could have had through this.
It was now noon and Greg had been in surgery for about 3 and a half hours. We kept checking in with the nurses but they had heard nothing yet. We went for walks, read magazines, talked and dad cracked jokes to distract me. At about 2:30 we still had heard nothing so dad went to talk to the nurses again. When he came back he had good news, Greg had been in recovery for about an hour and a half already. Shortly after the surgeon came to talk to us. He told us Greg had made it through surgery and done well. He said it had been a complicated surgery. Greg's doctor from home had asked to sit in on the surgery.

The doctor performed a right thoracotomy and they were able to remove the whole tumor, however they could not completely remove the nerve the tumor had grown from. The tumor grew from the 6th intercostal nerve. It was abnormal, about the size of a man's finger. The neurosurgeon had left about an inch of the nerve attached to Greg's spinal cord. He did not feel comfortable getting any nearer to his spinal cord to remove the rest of it because he felt that in order to get close enough, Greg would very likely have been paralyzed in the surgery. He did not want to risk that. Just to be safe, they also had removed 4 and 3/4" sections of his 5th, 6th and 7th ribs that the tumor had worn away at. Greg's right lung had been completely collapsed by the tumor and the surgeons were able to peel the lung away from the tumor successfully. The lung re-inflated beautifully after the took the tumor off of it. The tumor appeared to be encapsulated except for an area at the bottom of it. They could not tell if the tumor had spread to any more of the tissues in his chest, that remained to be seen. The tumor measured 7.5" x 5" x 5.5" and weighed 3.62lbs.

I thanked the doctor and was told that I could see Greg in about another hour if they were able to move him from recovery to SICU. I think it was about 4pm before we actually got in to see him, but oh what a relief it was. I had been told to expect a lot of tubes and machines and lines on him. We were allowed to go in two at a time to see Greg. Mom came with me. As we walked down the hallway, I tried to make my heart ready for what I was about to see. We walked into the room and they were right, lines and tubes and monitors and beeps everywhere. He had gone from my healthy, strong, teasing husband to this wounded body laying incredibly still on the bed. I took a deep breath and went closer, I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek trying not to disturb any tubes. He opened his eyes and I don't think I have ever been so glad to see those beautiful blue eyes in my life! He whispered for me to come close again. I leaned in and I can't tell all of you what he said ;o) but let me assure you, Greg was still Greg! His sense of humor was fully active even just out of surgery. When I stood back up chuckling, my mom leaned in and asked "What did he say?" She thought he had whispered something romantic or deeply thoughtful and reflective. I told her and she laughed and said, "Oh that boy!"
The next days of being back and forth from the hospital are a bit of a blur. There were ups and downs with Greg. It was very difficult to watch him in such pain and not be able to do anything. About the third day they decided to try a morphine PCA pump. (Patient Controlled Analgesia for those non medical people like me)
Greg had three IV sites already and two of them had malfunctioned and were removed. When they decided to try the PCA pump, they tried to start another. The first nurse tried three times and then called in another nurse. The second nurse tried another two times and still no success. Each time they would get the line in, turn on the pump and it would wreck the vein. Greg's arms were turning into black and blue canvases, not to mention the pain of "fishing" around to get the line in a vein. They decided that they would switch him from morphine to Tylenol 3's. I can tell you right now that when a person is in enough pain to warrant a morphine pump, T 3's do almost nothing. He was in so much pain and I could not help, it felt like I was failing him.

That night I drove home from the hospital and I felt so stressed out. (Yes it was a bit of a selfish moment for me, not proud of it) Because of my pregnancy being considered high risk, I had been off work for the whole pregnancy and could not go back until after the delivery. I did not want to have to go back to work with a newborn at home. I wanted to nurse my baby for many reasons most of them to do with health.I also wanted to save some cost by not having to buy formula, but in order to nurse the baby, I had to be home. I did not know where life went from here, the future looked very uncertain. Financially I had no idea where money was going to come from, I just had to trust and have faith that God would provide for us. There were baby things that we still needed to buy and no money to buy them. I had some diapers but certainly not enough to last very long. I didn't know how we were going to pay bills, buy food or necessities and all of that was on my shoulders at that moment. Yes, the tumor was out of my husband, but they did not know if it had spread or would return, it was all very overwhelming.

I drove home to my dad's in the snow that night, emotionally exhausted from the day and cried. I let the tears flow that I had been holding back all day trying to be brave, and poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father. I pounded the steering wheel and told Him how frustrated I was, how scared I was, how I didn't want to have to raise this baby alone. I wanted our baby to know it's daddy. I am sure I must have looked like a basket case behind the wheel! The nurses at the hospital as well as some family members were concerned for our baby. They thought with all the stress that I may go into labor early. I prayed again that night, that God would protect and shelter the baby. I told Him this was His miracle baby already and I told Him that He was going to have to keep her safe from the stress. I prayed for peace, I prayed for comfort and strength to be what my husband and this baby needed me to be. I know He was with me in the car that night, I felt Him. I felt His arms come around me and I determined from that moment on to rest in Him. I had peace that He was going to work it all out for good and that we weren't going to have to wonder where provision was coming from. My God would take care of me and us. He would never leave me nor forsake me.

Greg got out of the hospital a couple of days later. At that time I was driving a 1982 Ford Fairmont. It was a good old car, but the highway has many bumps and I felt terrible for every one we went over on our way back home. We set up a bed in our living room so that Greg could lay down comfortably through the day, but he spent the first few days downstairs where our bedroom and the bathroom were so he would not have to do stairs for the washroom. Now that Greg was home healing from surgery, we were on to the next thing, preparing for our baby to come. I was due in just over 3 weeks. When the day came for us to go to the hospital to deliver Jinaea, Greg was still healing. He was not allowed to lift anything heavier than 4 liter jug of milk which is about 9 pounds. Jinaea was 8lbs 1.5oz. Just under the wire! He could not walk and carry her for long but he did spend plenty of time holding her.  I would prop his arm with pillows so that he could hold her properly.....My heart cried out as I watched them, "Thank you God for my two miracles."

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Come To Me......for Kylee.

I was going through a box of papers today and found lyrics that I wrote a few years ago. I wrote them when our friend's daughter passed away. Their daughter was only two and a half. She was sweet, adorable, "tute," (cute) and such a brave little girl. She knew all about how Jesus loved her and would proudly tell you that too. She was daddy's little sweetheart, mommy's little dolly, and her brothers playmate. She loved the color pink and even wanted pink hockey equipment! Kelly and I were both expecting our third child at that time, due about a week apart in October.

Greg and I had gone to church that morning and another friend of ours came over to me. She put her arm around me and told me that Kylee had died suddenly the night before. She didn't know many details. I cried through the whole service. I knew immediately that we needed to go to them. We made the hour and a half trip that afternoon.

I remember standing on the front porch as we waited for the door to be opened. Kylee's grandpa opened the door and wrapped us in a hug right away. He said, "You came all this way? You didn't have to."
We said, "Of course, how could we not." We needed to be there for Darren and Kelly. They would have done the same for us. Everyone was in such a state of shock still. The air was full of disbelief and shocking reality that seemed too horrible to be true.  When we walked in Kelly and Darren came to us right away and we hugged, our hearts broken for them and we cried. "I can't believe she's gone," was repeated over and over. The next hours were filled with people coming and going, food brought over, condolences, phone calls and many, many tears. Darren and Kelly told us the story of the night before. We felt completely helpless to take away the ache that was growing larger in their hearts by the minute.  We prayed with them and finally we drove home.

I called Kelly every day for the next month or so. I didn't want her to feel alone or abandoned in her pain. I wished I lived closer so I could hug her every day too! I prayed with her and most of the time, felt completely inadequate to help beyond that. There were no words that would really help. They had our love and our prayers though.  I just so badly wanted to take some of her hurt away. Sometimes all we would do was cry together on the phone.

God put the words to this song on my heart in a dream just shortly after Kylee died. I did not have the nerve to even tell Kelly about the song until months later. This coming May it will be four years since Kylee went to dance and run with Jesus. I did not think that three and a half years later, Kelly would be doing the same for me. She is very dear to my heart. I knew that she really understood the emptiness, the ache and yes, even the happiness, when we talked about our girls in heaven.

Now Kylee and Zoe play together happily in the presence of their Heavenly Father who loves them. He now gives them all the hugs and love that we wish we could and more. Today, this song has shot straight to my heart...(Disclaimer...Lol. I am not a professional song writer and so this song may not meet the standards of "properly written" lyrics, but it is what was on my heart.)

Verse 1
I walk along this road we call life
Sometimes it feels impossible to even take the next step
Hurt and disappointments are all around me
Unanswered questions lay on every side
So many trials we go through and battles we must fight
Through tears I call out, "God give me strength, I can't do this on my own."
And then I hear a voice so soft and low
I know it's Jesus, gently calling to me

"Here is my hand, please take it
Here are my arms open wide
I can feel your heart aching
I hold every tear that you cry
When the load you carry, seems to much to bear
Come to Me, I will carry you."

Verse 2
My eyes are blinded with tears as my heart breaks with theirs
Now she runs happy and free, but God, why is she gone
She was so young, sweet and full of promise.
How can they go on
Where do they go from here God?
Please let me be your arms here on earth
To show Your love to them
Let them hear You say...


Words and music written by Michelle Dueck
Copyright 2007

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Greg Part 2

This seemed to be one waiting game after another and when you are dealing with life and death, that wait can be excruciating and it is very hard to be patient. We had gotten copies early on, of the x-rays to show to my mom and others in our family who are in the medical field. My mom said she looked at them and her heart sank.We looked to her to give us some kind of hope that this wasn't really as bad as it sounded. Maybe she could see something there that would give us some reason to think this was going to turn out okay.  She tried to maintain her composure, she didn't want us to read in her face how bad she could see it was. She now says, thinking back to looking at them, without God, it was very definitely a death sentence.

Finally the day came when the Dr came in to Greg's hospital room to tell us the findings of the biopsy. I started praying in my head, "Jesus, we need you now more than ever. God, I am scared....We cannot do this alone, I am so glad you are here with us. Please be near us as we hear this and give us courage to face whatever it is"
The Dr. sat down on the end of the bed. It was easy to see that he wished the news he was bringing us was different, he looked at us with compassion and said,
"We took three samples of tissue from the tumor. The samples show that the tumor is definitely malignant. This is very serious. It seems to be growing steadily. We do not feel that radiation or chemo is a good option right at this point. The tumor is growing off a nerve coming out of your spinal cord. The tumor has grown quite large and is not inside your lung as we originally thought. The tumor has grown behind your lung, inside your ribcage. It is about the size of a football. Part of the tissue is dead already (Thank you God! My thought, not necessarily his) but there is still a lot of cancerous tissue. We need to do an MRI after Christmas to get a clearer picture of what we are dealing with."
I crawled into the bed with Greg after the Dr left and we cried together. They were tears of sadness for the life we might not get to live together, tears of joy for the years we had shared so far and we sunk into that moment of just being alive......and together. It was a moment of realization that we could not take life, or the moments we had to hold each other for granted anymore. It could be very short.

Greg, at that point, was on continuous oxygen. Just walking across the room left him quite short of breath. The respiratory therapist came to do a test to see if Greg needed oxygen at home as well. He was borderline. They gave him some breathing exercises to help build his lung strength. I was beginning to realize how very different life was going to be from now on. I thought we would maybe be spending Christmas there in the hospital, but where we spent it didn't matter to me at that point.  I was glad Greg was still there with me and our baby. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

We were able to get out of the hospital and go to the farm for Christmas, it was such a blessing!
We even managed to do some family pictures. Greg was able to leave the hospital and not be on continuous oxygen, however he could not move very fast and the bitter cold air would almost take his breath away. He had to breath into a scarf crumpled over his mouth if we were outside at any point. It was a good, but heavy Christmas. Uncertain of what the path ahead was, we tried to make the most of every moment.
Greg had lost about 25 pounds already that month. He was very pale. Through the fearful moments, we prayed and continued to believe that he would make it through this and he would be healed.

January 2002 is a blur to me. I don't have many clear memories of it at all. My days were filled with helping Greg perform even the most basic daily tasks. We spent much time going to Dr. appointments in Regina, meeting with the surgeons, Dr.'s appointments at home, blood work, and an MRI and CT Scan in Regina.

I remember tucking Greg in at night and listening to a tape that my dad gave us of healing scriptures and confessions. One night Greg said, "Honey, I know this is going to be hard, but we need to talk about some things." Just the very thought of what our future might look like ended with both of us sobbing, let alone talking about it. Greg told me what he wanted for me and our baby if he did not make it. He asked me what I thought would happen with us. It seemed wrong on so many levels. He told me that as hard as it was to say, he wanted me to remarry. He wanted me to make sure that our baby knew about him and how much he loved him/her already. He so desperately wanted to meet and hold our baby. The possibility that I may raise this baby alone was not something that I had EVER thought I would have to talk with my husband about at 8 months pregnant. We had only been married for 3 and a half years. My heart couldn't even process being with anyone but him. It was absurd. It felt like I was betraying my heart even thinking about moving on without my soul mate. I knew I could never find anyone to love me like he did. How could I do this without him? The days and nights were very surreal to us. We filled them with as much prayer as we could because that was the only thing in our control.

Greg's surgery was booked for the 16th of January, 2002.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The words no one wants to hear....

I was pregnant with our daughter Jinaea in the summer of 2001. My husband had just finished upgrading his Math and Accounting and then moved on to complete training in May to be a Farrier. We set off on the new adventure of being self-employed. With just coming out of school, we had no finances to start a new business. We got a grant to get it up and running and got to work. We designed business cards, posters, placed ads, made phone calls and asked our contacts for referrals. Then we pounded the pavement to hang posters and hand out business cards. Greg was doing a very good job and learned more with each horse he trimmed or put shoes on. The summer passed us by with many hours spent in the heat while Greg did his job.  By fall we had moved to a new city to pursue bigger business options and for the second time, we had to start with new clients.

Greg was experiencing pain in his shoulder every once in awhile, but we just chalked it up to a previous rotator cuff injury. Usually a mild muscle relaxant or massage would do the trick, but once in awhile it did not. Sometimes we would have to take a trip to the emergency room for him to have an injection of something stronger. Greg was getting tired out a lot easier and would sweat buckets when he would trim, going through two sets of clothes per horse by the end. Greg would joke about being out of shape and said he better start lifting weights again. He began to wake up some nights in a cold sweat, completely drenched and was starting to feel out of breath all the time if he exerted himself at all.

On December 11, Greg went to play floor hockey with a good friend of ours. When they came home, he was in a lot of pain. So much in fact, that when we left their house, we went straight to the ER. They told him that they felt it was muscle spasms. They gave him an injection and we went home. Greg tried to sleep it off like before. He didn't sleep much that night and in the morning I told him I did not think this was just muscle spasms. By evening things still had not settled down much so I told him I thought we should go to the Dr's office and tell them we were not leaving until this got figured out. I had no idea this would be a night that would be etched into our memories for the rest of our lives.

We went to the Medical Clinic and since we did not have a regular Dr yet, we saw the walk in Dr. He happened to be a military Dr. who took shifts at the in-town clinic as well. He was a very nice man and seemed genuinely concerned with Greg's situation. I was to babysit for our friends Todd & Christine that night at 7. I waited with Greg as long as I could at the Dr's and then left to go babysit. When I left, we were in the office waiting for the results of an x-ray that had been done. I kissed Greg goodbye and he told me he would meet me at Todd & Christine's house when he was done. I left, preparing myself to hear the results when he arrived at the house. I thought the best thing we could hear was that it was just something that required rest to heal from and the worst thing was maybe that he was going to have to have surgery to repair something in his shoulder. I wasn't even close....

It seemed to be taking a very long time for Greg to get to the house and I admit I was starting to feel a little worried about things, wondering what on earth could keep him so long. The kids were in bed and finally around 9pm he arrived at the door. I opened it and let him in. He closed the door behind him and then turned and wrapped me in his arms and held me tight. He put his hand on my tummy which was 7 months pregnant. His eyes filled up with tears. I said, "So, how did it go? Did they figure anything out?"

His words still echo in my head, "They told me they think I have cancer."

I thought this was some sort of really bad joke. I looked into his eyes and told him to be serious.
He said, "I am honey." I backed up and sat down on the couch and he came to join me.
"Why do they think that? They have got to be wrong," I said.  Then he proceeded to fill me in.

The first x-ray that they took when I was there was of his right shoulder. When the Dr. looked at the x-ray, there was something odd showing on the bottom edge. They sent him for another set of x-rays, this time on his chest as well. They found a football size tumor inside his ribcage on the right side. It had completely collapsed his right lung and was expanding his ribcage and pushing his collar bone up. I asked him if they thought he was going to live. They had not given him any ideas as far as that was concerned, they had no idea until more tests done. We had no plan of action yet, but we were to go in to Regina to see a specialist in a couple of days to start figuring that out.

We sat there on the couch and cried just holding each other, our unborn child moving in my tummy between us. Neither one of us knew what to say. We were still in disbelief and shock. This was something that other people deal with, not something we ever expected to face.
A short time later our friends got home and asked how the appointment had gone. Greg told them, "They say I have cancer and at this point they are not sure how bad it is."  Todd said, "And what do you think?"  In that moment Greg uttered some life changing words that I believe made the difference to whether he was going to live or die.
"I know my God is bigger than this and I know that He can heal me."
Todd said, "We will agree with you for that then!" He called us the next morning to ask us to come back to their house that night. He had arranged for a group of people to get together the next night to pray over Greg and anoint him with oil. True friends they are.
We called other friends and family and asked them to pray.
We went home and tried to process all we had been told. That night and in the months to come, there were many, many tears and emotions to work through. I had to face the possibility that my baby might never know it's daddy. Could I do this on my own? I was scared.....I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to do this life alone without him.

From this point on things went downhill with his health very quickly and life became a whirlwind vacuum.
By December 14th Greg was admitted to hospital in the closest major center. Greg was still in a great deal of pain without medication, so he was on strong IV pain meds and oxygen continuously. They decided to do a biopsy on the tumor.

To be continued....