My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Good news

Well, thank God, no ectopic pregnancy. I had blood drawn today and hopefully it will show that my HCG levels are settling back down. Things were a little rocky again today with the bleeding, but it has settled down now. Thank you for all your prayers, they mean so much to my heart. I would hug each and every one of you if I could!
I believe the story of my life was written long ago. Before I ever came to be, before even time began, my life was in His hands. While I was being knit together in my mother's womb, God knew what each day would hold.

Tonight this song He knows my name has been playing through my heart.

I hope it blesses your heart as well.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Overflowing with hope

Romans 15:13

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I want this to be me. I want to overflow with hope, so much that it will spill out onto others who feel they have none. I am pressed, but not crushed in my circumstances. My circumstances do not determine my ability to be content or to have joy....That is where I want to be.

Like Paul said in Philippians 4:11 (The Message) 
I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Does that mean I NEVER feel frustrated, act ungrateful, or feel jealousy or less than satisfied? No, it means I have a goal. To be satisfied, joyful and content. I do not want to be ruled by my feelings or let the thoughts that rumble around in my head control me. In Christ, I am more than that. (It says so in my Bible. I am more than a conqueror) So despite the disruptions that seem to find my life at times, I determine to find peace and contentment in Him. What are those things you might ask, well here is the latest scoop on our baby journey.

WARNING!!! Read no further if "female problems" or blood bother you!

My day Sunday was rough. I had a few scary moments on Saturday where I started bleeding heavier and passing large clots again. It didn't last long, about 10 minutes and then I had almost nothing until 10:30 Sunday morning. Within 2 hours I had been to the washroom about 7 times and could not see through the water at all when the blood stopped. I was passing very large clots again and starting to not feel very good. I called a wonderful friend, who is a nurse, for her advice. I didn't want to go to the hospital if it was not necessary, I don't like wasting the nurses/doctors time. I also didn't want to end up having to call an ambulance.
She wisely told me to go to the hospital, and I am glad I did.
I got in right away and was sent to a side room to await blood work. I felt like I had to go to the washroom and when I did, more blood gushes. I came back to sit in the chair and wait. I felt tired very suddenly and started sweating. Then I felt like I had to throw up. Greg tried to hand me a basin and I would have laughed if I had not felt so gross! Those little kidney bean shaped basins couldn't possibly catch what I felt was about to come out!
I said no thank you and headed for the bathroom. I made it to the door and my vision started to get black spots. Then everything went dark with flashes of light. The ringing in my ears was so loud.  I called out to Greg who caught me about halfway back to the chair. The nurse came right away and helped him get me back to the chair.
They brought a wheelchair and got me into a room across the hall. A few minutes later I was laying slightly elevated, clothed in a hospital gown, I.V. started and oxygen hose on my face. The ringing was getting quieter and my eyes were no longer seeing spots. The Dr. walked in and holding my file in the air said, "This is quite the chart for a 34 year old!" I lay there for the next couple hours while the Dr. waited for my blood work results and questioned me on my history. An ultrasound was ordered and I was taken to the room. I don't know how many of you have had an internal ultrasound but this was the most uncomfortable one I have ever had. Ouch.
The result I don't quite understand. I thought I did, until I got home and thought out what the Dr. had said.
I was told that the ultrasound shows that there is still placenta in my uterus from a miscarriage that has blood flow and is functioning (we knew this already), causing the higher HCG hormone results in tests. It was sitting at 1367.
Then he said we also cannot rule out an ectopic pregnancy because there is something in your fallopian tube that looks like that is a possibility. I was told my Dr. would decide whether a D&C was best, or a drug that would induce "labour" and cause the release of the placenta tissue.
Now the part I don't understand is this...Are we now talking about two separate pregnancies, one that I still have placenta tissue from and then a second possible ectopic pregnancy? It seems highly unlikely to have two pregnancies in 3 months? A fertilized egg cannot come down into the uterus long enough to produce a placenta and then move back up into the fallopian tubes creating a tubal pregnancy. If there is an ectopic pregnancy, it would have to be a recent one because I would be in great pain or in great trouble if it has been around for up to two and a half months, which is about how far along I would be according to other tests taken.
I was given a dose of Cytotec and told to see my Dr. in two days. I see my Dr. tomorrow and hopefully he can clear up a lot of my questions for me. I was told if the Cytotec works, my HCG levels should dramatically drop very quickly. I took the Cytotec at about 7:30 p.m. Sunday night. It has not been as terrible as some people have said it would be. I have had a lot of lower back pain and cramping but it is almost gone now. The bleeding seems controlled now and I think the medication has done it's job.
I am now trying to build up my iron again so this light headed feeling will go away. It was spinach and asparagus for supper for me. Tomorrow we should have some answers. I am learning that in whatsoever state I am, therefore to be content. Please pray for me.