My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a

Friday, June 3, 2011

A letter to my babies in Heaven

This is a letter I wrote for a memory album I created in honor of my first three babies in Heaven. I have not yet added Zoe or Ellie to the album.

June 11, 2006

Dear Babies,
There have been many times since you've been gone that I have wanted to sit and write our what I would like to say to you, but somehow the words to match my feelings and heart were not there.
Now I feel like it is time to put those thoughts down on paper. You were wished for, wanted and loved very much. Even though I never held you, I love you deeply. You died before you were born and our eyes never met. I miss that I never got to see your sweet faces, hold your little hands or nurse you close to my heart. I still miss feeling you move inside my womb and if it weren't for this never-ending ache in my heart, it would be as if you were never there. I had dreams of holding you and seeing your beautiful face. Although I never saw your smile on earth, I have seen it in my dreams and it moves me to tears.
With Grief comes change. Our lives are FOREVER changed because you were here. We didn't see your first steps or hear your first words, but your memories live on in our hearts every day. We have lost so much, but gained grace and mercy from the Lord through it all. When I cry tears of sorrow that seem to never end, Jesus dries them and holds me close to His heart.
I know He felt my sorrow and pain as deeply as I did. My heart beats with yours for eternity.
I love you forever.

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