My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a

Friday, August 2, 2013

3 years...could it really have been that long ago? So many memories come flooding back as, in my mind, I make my way through August 2, 2010. Tears are hiding within the memories and spring out when I least expect them.

Again this year we wondered how we would honour Zoe on her birthday. I wasn't really sure what my heart felt like doing this year. This week at VBS our kids have been learning about missions and about kids in other countries need our help. Through Compassion Canada our children's ministry sponsors a little boy.

Today our family chose a little girl. In honour of our little girl, we will give so that another little girl can dream with abandon and run & play without worry of where her next meal will come from.
Here name is Dilmi and she is from Sri Lanka. We chose Dilmi because her birthday was the closest to Zoe's of all the children there.

Our pastor contacted me last week as I sat trying to think of what we could do. He said that his sermon this sunday was going to be on suffering and how beauty can be found even in it's midst. He asked me to speak about how Everlasting Love began and what it is about. My heart started to pound...speak in public!?!?!?! Yikes!!! "Relax, it will be on video for our powerpoint," he says...okay, that's a little easier. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was a perfect way to pay tribute to our baby girl and the things her life has taught us.

After I retrieved my heart from my throat, I said that I would do it, after all, it would only serve to help others...right? Eeeek! Well now I had to come up with something to say. "Just speak from your heart." he said. If only that was possible without me crying the ugly cry.

I knew I had to plan out what I was going to talk about. After much prayer, I wrote out what I felt I should talk about and the video was recorded.
I pray that through it, women who have never been able to grieve yet, will realize that grief over the loss of their babies IS normal. When our babies are gone too soon, we still want to be able to mother them. We have to try to fit a lifetime of mothering into a few hours, sometimes into only a few moments. If the layettes that are donated allow mothers to feel even one ounce of comfort as they dress or hold their babies, I have accomplished what God laid on my heart.

In the next few weeks I intend on pulling out the sewing machine and I will let my heart, love, grief and joy pour out as I sew blankets, gowns & diapers. I will take pictures as I go so you all can see my progress :)

Happy Birthday angel baby. I love you with all my heart...


  1. I am not sure the pain ever goes away~ I have nine little ones that the Lord took Home long before my mama heart was ready to send them off! I have three grown and making their way as the Lord leads... and five precious grandkiddies. For them all, coming home to the farm, to mom and dad remains a joy~
    You write beautifully~ I am thankful that when we hurt so deeply that there is a Balm in Gilead who bears deeply with us and feels with us, and sustains us~

    1. Dearest fisherlady...thank you for your comment. I am very thankful for the healing touch of my Father's hand and His heart of love that carries me. It brings me comfort to picture my little ones in Heaven running, playing and singing with friends they have made in their time there.

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