Time keeps on ticking....

Patience.
God, please accept my humble apologies for trying to rush you into doing what I want you to do on my time. It obviously doesn't work and I have seen the light where that is concerned now. I really believe I have learned my lesson already but if I haven't, would you please hurry up and teach me patience already!!!!
Have you ever prayed a prayer something like that?
I still have my little internal temper tantrums behave with perfect grace, dignity and composure when it comes to waiting for God to do His thing.
I see I am fooling no one here, sooooo I will admit, I have my little fits of carnality in my head. Even though I know that I need to just rest and be quiet before Him, that everything will happen at the perfect time. Why can't I just trust perfectly.
Days seem to be going by so slowly right now while I am waiting to go back to the Dr.'s for a pregnancy test.
I want to know.....

Thankfulness....

1 Thessalonians 5:13-24

Live in peace with one another. We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit; do not despise prophetic utterances. But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil.
      Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

There are certain things in this portion of scripture that stand out to me right now. Be thankful in everything and faithful is He who calls me, He also will bring it to pass.
I had another Dr's appointment today to go over the results of the ultrasound. Yesterday morning began with me feeling fine and then all of a sudden, I felt really sick. I ran to the bathroom and ended up ridding myself of anything that was in my stomach! I have felt nausea for about 5 days now off and on. I am still really tired through the day too. These two things seem very strange to be feeling if I have had a miscarriage. On the other hand, I am not an expert. I have no idea how long it takes for hormones to settle back down.
I decided to ask my Dr about it. He said,

"I think we need to do another pregnancy test today.  I don't want to get your hopes up unnecessarily, but I don't want to disregard how you are feeling either. There was a sac seen on the ultrasound in the clotting. Nothing was seen in the sac, but it is possible that the conclusion of the ultrasound was wrong. It has happened before, where we have thought that there had been a miscarriage because of the bleeding and a few weeks later through a second ultrasound, there is a baby seen. It is possible that it was just too early. If in a few weeks you are still feeling these symptoms, we will repeat the pregnancy test. if it is positive still, we will repeat the ultrasound and see what it shows."

I feel excitement stirring again. Really? Could this possibly be true? I wondered last night if the ultrasound could have been just too early, and this morning a friend asked me if that was a possibility.
I did the pregnancy test again today and it still says positive.
I feel thankfulness. Thankfulness for every moment that I have with my kids.....all of them. In everything I will give thanks, and I know my God will be faithful to me no matter how this goes. Stay tuned!

When the rain falls......

March 3, 2011

Bring the Rain - Mercy Me

"I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You,
Jesus bring the rain" An excerpt from the song above. I am still going to praise Him no matter what life throws at me.

Baby #8 is now in Heaven........my heart has had very little time to adjust to this.
I have been having some strange bleeding issues and decided to go to the dr this morning to try and get it figured out.  My doctor asked if I was pregnant. I said I didn't think so, the bleeding had been going on for about a month now. I have been tired, but thought it was maybe due to lower iron. He said well first let's get a pregnancy test done. So I headed off to the little girls room with my purple cup in hand and the excitement stirring in my heart for what might possibly be happening.
I went back into the office when I was done and my doctor returned. The test was positive!!! My heart skipped a beat. Really? Really, really? WOW! Congratulations were given from all at the office as my heart filled with warm mushiness.  I could hardly wait to get home to tell Greg. I got in the car and thanked God for this little life.
Now because of not knowing a date of my LMP (sometime in Jan, putting me at about 5 or 6 weeks) for sure, my doctor wanted an ultrasound done A.S.A.P.
They booked me in for an ultrasound at 4:15.
We managed to scramble up a babysitter for the kids because Greg wanted to come with me and I am so glad he did. We didn't want to tell the kids anything just yet so we spent a day with just the two of us and Ellie (we jokingly called the baby that because the news of this pregnancy was the white elephant in the room)
We went in to the ultrasound room and the end result of it all was, we were told that I am in the midst of another miscarriage.
In such a short time, we started to dream and hope for this baby. I didn't realize just how quickly that part of being a parent kicks in. We have never dealt with miscarriage after only knowing of the baby's existence for a day. This has kind of been a sucker punch day. I still am not quite sure what to think, it is such a whirlwind of emotions. I am once again waiting for nature to "take it's course." 
Hopefully it will be done soon. I do not want another D&C.
I am resting in His arms tonight and I am very thankful for His love to carry me.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)