My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a

Thursday, October 13, 2011

When doubt speaks, do I listen?

I would like to say that I am always strong. I would like to say I never doubt or even for a moment have a fearful thought about this pregnancy. I cannot say that. I was having a really hard time lately with the emotions of this pregnancy. I love this baby already. From the bottom of my heart. One thing I learned from being pregnant with Zoe and Ellie was that I didn't want to waste even a moment of time not appreciating the gift that they are. Still, I find myself thinking I should not to get too excited about this pregnancy just yet. My heart doesn't listen. I want to love this baby FULLY with no doubt that I will hold it in my arms and bring it home with me. I want to TRUST....completely. Don't get me wrong, I still believe and know that God IS faithful, He WILL be my peace and strength, He BLESSES me all the time, He LOVES me beyond what I could ever imagine and He does all these things NO MATTER WHAT. I just have these thoughts and "what if's" running through my head. I know exactly where they come from too. So why is it so hard to disregard them?

Sometimes all it takes is a little refocusing. Some time spent with God, some praying, some listening and the encouragement comes. Sometimes it is a good friend pointing out what God's truth is, what His promises in the Bible are. Sometimes it may take a whack upside the head to say get it together. Today as I was praying for strength and peace, God spoke some scripture verses to me. They spoke straight to the doubt and fear and started to minister peace to me.

 Joshua 1:9 NIV
"Be strong and courageous...for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Isaiah 43:1-4 MSG
Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end.--because I am God....I paid a huge price for you.... That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you!

Psalm 30:5 MSG
....The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.

James 1:4 AMP
Let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be...perfectly and fully developed...

Hebrews 12:2 AMP
Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith...and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]...

I am imperfect, but what matters here is that I fight the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:12).
God said in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for me, that He wants to give me hope. I do have hope and normally a stubborn faith that has gotten me through many things. I going to find those socks again, pull them on, I'm in for the ride.

No comments:

Post a Comment