Our God by Chris Tomlin
There is no one else like Him...
When you have a promise in your heart , a promise put there by your Abba Father , how long do you hang on to it? Do you easily let it slip away or do you hang onto it with fierce determination no matter what obstacles get in your way? It could be your marriage, a job, a wayward child coming home, a baby in your arms, a husband, a wife. There is no person on earth that can seal a promise into your heart the way God can. What is your promise?
One of my promises is a baby to hold in my arms again for longer than it takes to say goodbye. I believe it with my whole heart. Does it hurt to lose them? Yes! Do I give up? Absolutely not!
Our most recent loss has brought people to ask, "Don't you think it is time to stop?" or some have commented:
"Maybe God is trying to tell you something here."
"How much more of this are you going to put yourself through?"
"You have three already, maybe you should just focus on enjoying them."
"You are getting older you know."
All those statements speak one single thing to me. Give up!
I can't give up, the promise beats with my heart. It is alive. Does the loss hurt? For sure it does, but love hurts sometimes and is worth the greatest sacrifice.
The promise of children has been sung in my heart since I was a very small child. I cannot give it up. Not yet.
In talking with a friend a short time ago she asked me, "So, do you have a perspective on this?"
At first I did not know how to answer. What is my perspective? I had not thought that through enough to put it into words. As we talked, it came out without me even realizing it.
The only thing that hurts me worse than a miscarriage, is giving up and ending my childbearing years with a loss. My family feels incomplete still. I do not feel His peace about stopping here. To stop here would only be me giving up because I do not want to take the risk of hurting again. To give up now would be a betrayal of my heart. It would be doubting His faithfulness. It would be giving up hope. Something I have stood so strongly against. The words "never lose hope" have left my lips many times when encouraging a friend. Should I not believe the same still for myself. If I did not, I would be a hypocrite in this. So, I press in for the completion of that sacred promise that I feel so deep in my heart.
We will stop when His peace floods our hearts with the knowledge that our family is complete. When that will be, I don't know. Until then we press on, one foot in front of the other, hanging onto hope with thankfulness to the One who loves us so.
Who But You by Mark Hall and Megan Garrett
This song washed over my spirit tonight, thank you Juanita. <3