My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a

Monday, November 28, 2011

Who but You...

Take a listen to this song:

Our God by Chris Tomlin 

There is no one else like Him...

When you have a promise in your heart , a promise put there by your Abba Father , how long do you hang on to it?  Do you easily let it slip away or do you hang onto it with fierce determination no matter what obstacles get in your way?  It could be your marriage, a job, a wayward child coming home, a baby in your arms, a husband, a wife.  There is no person on earth that can seal a promise into your heart the way God can.  What is your promise?

One of my promises is a baby to hold in my arms again for longer than it takes to say goodbye.  I believe it with my whole heart.  Does it hurt to lose them?  Yes!  Do I give up?  Absolutely not!

Our most recent loss has brought people to ask, "Don't you think it is time to stop?" or some have commented:

"Maybe God is trying to tell you something here."
"How much more of this are you going to put yourself through?"
"You have three already, maybe you should just focus on enjoying them."
"You are getting older you know."

All those statements speak one single thing to me.  Give up!
I can't give up, the promise beats with my heart.  It is alive.  Does the loss hurt?  For sure it does, but love hurts sometimes and is worth the greatest sacrifice.
The promise of children has been sung in my heart since I was a very small child.  I cannot give it up.  Not yet.
In talking with a friend a short time ago she asked me, "So, do you have a perspective on this?"
At first I did not know how to answer.  What is my perspective?  I had not thought that through enough to put it into words. As we talked, it came out without me even realizing it.

The only thing that hurts me worse than a miscarriage, is giving up and ending my childbearing years with a loss. My family feels incomplete still.  I do not feel His peace about stopping here.  To stop here would only be me giving up because I do not want to take the risk of hurting again.  To give up now would be a betrayal of my heart.  It would be doubting His faithfulness.  It would be giving up hope.  Something I have stood so strongly against.  The words "never lose hope" have left my lips many times when encouraging a friend.  Should I not believe the same still for myself.  If I did not, I would be a hypocrite in this.  So, I press in for the completion of that sacred promise that I feel so deep in my heart.
We will stop when His peace floods our hearts with the knowledge that our family is complete.  When that will be, I don't know.  Until then we press on, one foot in front of the other, hanging onto hope with thankfulness to the One who loves us so.

Who But You by Mark Hall and Megan Garrett

This song washed over my spirit tonight, thank you Juanita. <3


  1. I struggle with "well-meaning" friends and family who think they have the inside scoop on my life: my hopes and dreams. I firmly believe that we should listen to Godly, wise counsel but sometimes people speak out of their experience and concern for us rather than speaking the Word over us. I have found that more people "wonder out loud" if God is "trying to tell us something". They can't understand why we are having so many difficulties. I just keep saying that most people don't pray about most of the decisions in their lives: moving, where to go, what job, blah, blah, blah....And no one questions their decisions. But here we are asking God to lead us every step of the way and we still come up against so many obstacles. All I can say is that we push forward~ we put one step of faith after another and we trust...and BELIEVE that somewhere along the way we will see the fruit of our faith. I just hope it's soon....for you and for me!

  2. Keep fighting Michelle! Keep hoping! Keep on keeping on!! You've said it so well... many people speak with the best of intentions but they don't know what the Lord has put on YOUR heart for YOUR family! God has a different plan and purpose for each family. We were very blessed to only experience one loss in growing our family and are at peace that our family is now complete (as far as biological children are concerned... although we are always open in our hearts to fostering/adopting/mentoring others as the Lord leads). However, I have dear friends in Ontario who have 5 wonderful boys, but have also had 6 losses in their journey and 4 of them were one after the other before their last little man was born. They too, didn't feel that their family was complete until then and they fought!! Fought through their fears, fought through people's opinions and concerns, fought through various health concerns (she discovered there were some fibrous masses wrapped around her ovaries and had them surgically removed - this happened right before they were able to conceive and carry their youngest almost to term - and she developed HELP syndrome at the end of the pregnancy and delivered 5 weeks early). And then... they felt God's release - His peace that they were finished. But they never gave up the fight until the LORD said they were finished.

    FIGHT for your babies, Michelle!! And may God give you the strength, health, grace, peace, joy and unwavering HOPE to keep walking your walk in the way that the Lord chooses to unfold it to you and your family!

  3. Praying for your peace, and that you would keep beautiful hope in this journey.