I don't know if I will get this posted by midnight or not, it is 11:39 right now so we'll see. I may end up making two posts just so I can get something on today. I wanted to put on a post on Zoe's due date to share how much peace we have the last couple of days. I turned on my ipod shuffle to listen to my music as I type and the song Praise You In This Storm started playing. That is the picture of the last few days, the eye in the middle of the storm, where all is calm and we are resting in His arms.
I was not sure what to expect from my emotions and heart today.
I have felt an overwhelming peace surrounding me (at times sitting here thinking shouldn't I be crying?)
but I am in His arms and He never lets me go. He holds me close to His heart and I have felt the "sounds" of it beating with love for me and also for Zoe. I am so very thankful for her presence in our lives.
Last night I sat in a beautiful room in a big arm chair. The fireplace was flickering and the worship music playing....there is just something extra special about worshiping when I hurt. He was there with me just the same as He was the night Zoe was born and we held her in our arms.
It was okay not to cry lots last night and today.
It still hurts and we still miss her so very much, but there is so much love.
I am not questioning why at all right now.
I am thankful for every moment we had with her before and after she was born.
I am thankful that we got to hold her tiny hands and feet in our hands and see her beautiful little face.
I am thankful that God chose us to be her parents. He chose us....what an honor.
beautiful thoughts, michelle. just let it be. let your heart guide you in the grieving journey- no one can walk your road. no one can enter in to your inner sanctum and say it should be this way or that way. it's a privilege God has given us to lose a child- strange to say that, but it's true. we are better mothers for having lost our babies. because- they are not really lost, they have simply gone home to Jesus.
ReplyDelete