Thankfulness

What does thankful look like to you? People use the word for such a huge range of things. Being truly thankful everyday is something I am working on. I remind myself everyday, even through the difficult moments of child rearing, being a wife, and even just being me.
Our thanksgiving could easily have looked MUCH different this year.  If it had, would I still have been able to say I am thankful for this day? I would hope that I could. I would hope that my choice would have been to say, just as my blog name does, even still. God, even still I choose to be thankful. Thankfulness is a choice....

Rewind to Friday. Greg took the kids to swimming lessons so that I could stay home and pack up to go to my mom's. We were to be heading out at 4:30 and I did not want to have to rush. Kyler has started swimming lessons this year. He has always wanted to go to "fwimming lessons" but I have always had to say, you are not big enough yet." When I told him he was in lessons this year he said, "I am finally big enough? EEEEEE I am so escited!!!" He is loving it!!
Greg phoned me on the way home from swimming lessons (on speaker phone of course ;o) ), with tears in his voice and said, "We could have lost him today." After swimming lessons the kids are done, the children usually have about 15 minutes of free time. For the preschool group (about ages three and four) this usually means they can go on the little slide, play with the rings that sink or sometimes the teacher takes them to the hot tub. Generally they have to stay sitting on the steps of the hot tub, just into the water and the lifeguard stays very close. On Friday, she did not. The kids were sitting on the steps of the hot tub and she was across the pool. Greg was watching from the area where parents are allowed to view the lessons and saw Kyler stand up. Kyler took a step or two forward and stepped right off the ledge/bench into the deeper part of the hot tub. The teacher did not see, or if she did, she did not go to him. Maybe she thought he was playing, I don't know. Greg said he started to walk towards the hot tub which is quite a distance from the viewing area and all he could see was Kyler's hands just above the water splashing. His head or face could not be seen. He started running because the life guard still was not making her way to him. Greg was almost all the way to the hot tub when one of the older boys from our homeschool group reached down into the water and pulled Kyler out. I don't know exactly how many seconds he was under, but long enough that the outcome may not have been good. I thank God for guardian angels that watch over my children. Even a few seconds longer and, well I don't even want to go there. The lifeguard came and apologized saying she just thought he was playing, she didn't realize he was in danger.
I have spent this weekend watching him and my other children play, listening to their laughter as they ride bikes down the driveway and soaking it all in. I love them so very much!! Friday's incident has reminded me once again, to appreciate every moment. Sometimes we get frustrated, sometimes we make mistakes as parents, sometimes we forget that these little souls have been entrusted to us, to bless us. I am guilty.
I am guilty of not being patient, of grumbling, of speaking words that I regret, of wasting precious moments, of not taking time out of my "busy" day to read a story or go see the exciting discovery they just made. I am not perfect, but I am learning.
I don't want to look back on my life and regret the choices I made through the years my children were little. I want to discover butterflies, go on nature hikes, pet fuzzy caterpillars (okay, I will encourage them to do the petting as I don't REALLY want to touch them ;o) ) make glitter from shiny rocks, look for earthworms in the dirt, read stories, hug wiggly boys, dance around the living room with no inhibitions because my kids need a partner, and spend precious time with a girl who is growing up so fast. I want them to remember above all, that their dreams and ambitions,  loves and hopes, wants and needs were important to their mommy. No matter how small a thing, that I believe in them, that I am thankful for them even on the days where it is hard to remain a calm, patient mommy. I want them to know of God's unconditional love for them and that comes through us as parent's. It is our job to tell them and be a good example to them of how He cherishes them.
My list could go on and on, but here is a small list of things I am thankful for (in no particular order):

1. I am thankful for Kyler's warm breath as it left his lips when I kissed him goodnight. For the rise and fall of his chest and every beat of his heart when I tuck the blankets around his chin.
2. I am thankful for Jinaea's smile today as she curled up in my lap, for the way she blushes and wiggles when we tell her how beautiful she is.
3. I am thankful for Jaron's bright blue eyes that twinkle when he smiles and for the songs he sings throughout the day.
4. I am thankful for my husband who loves me unconditionally, who takes his marriage vows very seriously. He stands by my side through good times and bad, through sickness and health, and I believe he will until death do us part.
5. I am so very thankful for every single second we got to hold Zoe. For each of her tiny fingers and toes, for the kicks she delivered while in my tummy.
6. I am thankful for all my angel babies and the things they have taught me, for the changes their presence in my life has produced.
7. I am thankful for new friends and old.
8. I am thankful for opportunities to step out and show love to a hurting world around me.
9. I am thankful for the chance be a post partum doula and to share in people's lives as they learn the new dance of parenthood with these precious little ones.
10. I am thankful for God's saving grace on my life, for His mercy, peace,  hope and love.
11. I am thankful that right now there is new life growing in my womb once again. Yes that is right, in case you didn't catch my last blog entry (or didn't understand what we meant), we are pregnant again.
12. I am thankful that God always provides our needs, always.
13. I am thankful for my warm cozy bed to curl up in at night.
14. I am thankful for the pain and difficulties in my life. Yes, you read that right. I am thankful even for those. Without them, I would not be the person/wife/mother that I am today.
15. I am thankful for praying parents.
16. I am thankful for baby smiles and snuggles that I got this weekend.
17. I am thankful that I know where I will spend eternity.
18. I am thankful for the spiritual wisdom and insights of others, shared with me through blogs, books, conversations and prayers.
19. I am thankful that each and every day is a new day. A day to start over. A day to walk in grace.
20. I am thankful for Kiara. We have been through so much and God gives me love for her over and over. She will be making us grandparents in November, a new and exciting part of life begins.
21. I am thankful for guardian angels.

There is so much more, but it is 12:38 a.m. and I need some sleep. Good night to all, sweet dreams.