My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I Hold, I Am Held

This is the title of a sermon my dad wrote about 3 years ago.  I stumbled upon it by accident one day while I was searching names on the internet.  I wondered what I would come up with if I typed in his name and little did I know that his story about me when I was a baby would so greatly impact my heart today.  Thank you dad, thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Here is the link for it if you want to read it.
I Hold, I am Held by Merv Tippe

I know I am held in arms stronger than any storm I face.  They are more comforting, more loving, and surround me with a peace I cannot describe. I am awestruck by His love for me.  That He would love me so much despite my shortcomings.  This has not been easy, but I know He has held me through it all. 
I would like to share with you a few of the precious moments we had with Zoe and some of the things I am thankful for in this....
They were beautiful moments that we didn't want to ever end.  I remember praying as I climbed onto the bed to deliver her and telling God, "It is still not too late for a miracle.  Even still I believe You can."

I am thankful for the nurse in Emerg was so kind and compassionate, her eyes filled with tears as she announced, "It's a girl," and handed us our precious baby.
I am thankful for our Dr. who took the time to just be silent in the room with us, not needing words or trying to explain things in a complicated way, but simply sharing in our sorrow.  
I am thankful that I got the opportunity to deliver Zoe instead of needing surgery.
I am thankful for the moment Zoe was born. Though it was filled with sadness knowing she was not alive, I still felt the anticipation of being a "new mommy" again while I waited to be introduced to this little angel.
One of the best moments in the room that day was the moment Greg laid eyes on her......I couldn't yet see her so I watched his face knowing he would see her first.  His eyes filled with tears, and he had such awe and tenderness on his face.  I remember that look from the births of our other children and I was thankful that his love this time was no different.
I am so very thankful that we got to hold her, those moments will live on in my memory forever.
I am thankful for the time we got to be a family.
She was still warm, we took turns holding her and spent as much time as we could checking out her perfectly formed hands and feet, fingers and toes. Right down to her tiny nails. We marveled at God's wonderfully intricate creation.
I was even thankful when my milk came in a few days later, because it was one more thing that said she was real.
Most of all I have been thankful for His peace and His arms.  No one understands like He does.  I am thankful that God uses others here on earth to bring comfort.  I pray that you will experience His love and faithfulness in your own lives as well.
All through this dance, He has been there for every step. 
Like my dad said,

  "I hold, until I am too weak to do so and then I am held by Him."

In those moments, and in many moments since, we are held by Him.

1 comment:

  1. It's always hard to find words after listening to you, Michelle, or reading your blog. To finds words to express the depth in my soul that your words reach are unexplainable in our limited English language. The wonderful, yet sometimes painful, wisdom that you have been given is a gift to us all. I learn more about myself and am drawn closer to my Creator every time I read your blog. Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you seems like such an easy word to say but I put on it all the weight and importance that it was meant to have......THANK YOU! Luv you always....