"Congratulations!! You're pregnant," our doctor said. It was the beginning of February 1999. I was scared, I was excited. Some fears started to come to about having another miscarriage (because I didn't know any better as far as how to fight it at that point). My doctor booked an ultrasound right away for me to see how far along I was. It was too early to tell. I went again two weeks later and it was determined that I was about 7 weeks. Joy once again consumed our hearts when we saw that little heartbeat! Tears filled our eyes when we held the photo of our baby in our hands. Our baby was alive and growing. I found out I was due Sept 23rd, about the same due date as one of Greg's cousin's!
The doctor told us that if we made it past twelve weeks, we should be fine. I was so excited! Soon we went out and bought maternity clothes as day after day passed and things were going fine. My tummy was getting firmer and a little more round each month. We talked to the baby all the time, telling her how we couldn't wait for her to join us and that soon we would hold her in our arms. I was so sick with morning sickness, even soda crackers made me gag, never mind the mere mention of an egg that sent me running to the bathroom. I was put on sick leave from work right away so that I could rest and take it easy because by about 8 weeks I had a bit of spotting again.
Once twelve weeks passed we breathed a sigh of relief. My doctor said, "Well we made it this far, we should be in the clear now!" We asked the doctor if I could go with Greg on his road trips in the semi once in awhile as I was getting bored of sitting at alone. She said as long as we were driving on paved roads that were not rough. I remember laying in the bunk one night and feeling the baby kick for the first time. I would have been about 15 weeks. I had previously thought I felt something a few other times, but this time I was sure! Wow what a moment. It was so incredible to feel life inside me. Greg tried to feel the kicks, but he couldn't, it was too early. About a week later we were coming up out of a valley in the truck and at the top was this gorgeous, bright double rainbow. I had never seen one before in my life. My heart was reminded of the awesomeness of God's promise to carry me through and his marvelous creation.
On April 25th I started spotting again. I was scared to go to the doctor, but I made an appointment right away. She booked another ultrasound for the 26th of April. She said, "Just to be sure everything is okay. It is probably nothing, don't worry at all. Spotting is normal during pregnancy. "
We went for the ultrasound and we were amazed at what we saw on the screen. Tears filling our eyes, we saw hands, feet, arms, legs a little face, a tiny spine......so perfect in every way, except there was no fluttering where the heartbeat should be. I did not notice this right away though.
I asked questions to the girl doing the ultrasound as she took lots of measurements of arms, legs, spine and head of the baby. She would answer yes or no but anything deeper, she kept telling me that she could not answer any questions, that I had to wait for the doctor. I had an uneasy feeling because with the other ultrasounds, they had talked me through them, told me what they were measuring, pointed out shots of hands or feet, etc. To me it seemed it was taking a very long time and she was taking so many pictures.
I asked her where the heartbeat was and if we could see it. She again replied that we would need to wait for the doctor to come in. I felt fearful anxiousness welling up in me, I asked, "Is everything okay?"
She told us she could give us no information, that the radiologist would come and talk with us. She left the room and a few minutes later the radiologist followed her back in and put the paddle on my tummy.
I was trying to fight back tears, but my battle was in vain. I choked out, "Is our baby okay?"
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