My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15,16

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
John 11:40
See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:16a

Monday, January 31, 2011

Jinaea, our first born miracle baby

In Jan of 2000 we had moved to a new city. It felt like we had been waiting forever for that second little line to show up on the stick. Many trips had been made to the Dr.'s office to have a pregnancy test done and many done at home. The response from the Dr. was like a little knife to my heart every time, "I'm sorry honey, it's negative."
In June 2001, she finally came through the door with a smile on her face and my heart did a little skip. This time her news was the happiest I had heard in a long time! "You are pregnant!!!! Congratulations!"
I wanted to do a happy dance right there in her office, but it probably would have been rather like Kathrine Heigl in The Ugly Truth, so I restrained myself and waited till I left the office. (I imagine they have some hilarious security camera footage from the elevator though!) My first ultrasound on June 19 showed me to be 5 weeks along.
I was sent back to Regina to see the specialist once a month and had an appt with my local Dr. once a month as well. I was monitored through ultrasound and bloodwork. I did have some spotting early on around 10 weeks but it did not last long. I had no morning sickness whatsoever, thank God! I felt wonderful.
I enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy with her. We had decided early on that we did not want to find out if we were having a boy or girl. I wanted to have a surprise. We had a list of names as long as both of our arms put together. We slowly narrowed them down to about three choices for each sex. About a month or so before Jinaea was born, I had a dream about this little baby girl who had dark wavy hair. She was beautiful.
I was determined not to fear. I would not fear miscarriage. God had brought us this far and I would not give up on his miraculous power now. We continued praying the prayers in the supernatural childbirth book and speaking scripture over this little life that was growing inside me.

On Sept 11, 2001 I was about 4 months pregnant. I turned on the T.V. and found out, like everyone else in the world, that life would never be the same.
I sat glued to the T.V., tears pouring down my face as I wept for the lives that were lost that day and for their families. I imagine that pregnancy hormones played a part in it as well, but my tears continued for weeks as more and more was revealed of the tragedy that our brothers and sisters on the other side of the border were facing. There were many stories of women having babies in the weeks following or women who were pregnant, whose babies would never meet their daddies.  It broke my heart to think of these women and men who had such big dreams for their futures and now that future was going to be so drastically different.

At the end of October of 2001 we moved to our current city and settled in. Greg had started a new career, self employed as a Farrier. We came here because the business opportunities were more abundant. We moved into a small two bedroom townhouse and began to prepare for our baby to join us.
About mid November I could wait no longer, I set up the baby's room. I remember going into the room often just to run my fingers over the soft blankets and make sure the little stuffed animals that were waiting in the crib were placed perfectly. I took out all the little clothes I had been storing since our other babies and washed them. I felt joy well up in my heart and tears in my eyes as I gently placed them into the empty drawers again.

December 2001, I was now 7 months pregnant. Yay, we made it this far with no trouble. Our baby was healthy and growing by the week. I was still seeing Dr. A in Regina, now every two weeks.
Little did we know our lives were about to change forever on Dec 12th. I will give you a brief write up here but will share the complete story on another entry. Greg had played floor hockey with a men's group on Dec 11th. When he came home that night, he was in severe pain to the point where he was having trouble breathing.  We thought it was from his shoulder.
We made a trip to the emergency room where they told him it was probably muscle spasms and gave him an injection and sent us home. This was not the first time this had happened so the next day, when he was still in a lot of pain I insisted that we go back to the Dr and see what was going on.
Through the stress of the next few months, I could have very easily experienced complications with the pregnancy, but God protected our baby. I prayed so hard for my husband during those months, but also for our baby. I knew that I could not protect our baby in the way that it needed to be and so I prayed. I could not do this in my own strength, but He could.
Our baby was due Feb 16, 2002. I was supposed to deliver our baby in Regina and so we packed up and headed in to stay at our cousin's house until the baby came. I was as ready as I could be. I didn't know what life was going to look like in the future anymore, but I knew the One who held my future in His hands and I trusted him with all my heart, soul and strength. Don't get me wrong, there were moments that I was freaking out inside, but I knew that trust in Him was the only thing that was going to carry me through.
As the days continued passing by and no sign of our little one joining us yet, I was getting very impatient. I just wanted to hold our baby in my arms and see it's face. It was so hard to wait!!!
On Feb 25th I went to see Dr. A. and he told me they were going to induce me the next day. He did not feel our baby was in danger, however he did think it was best to deliver it as soon as possible. We went back to the house to get things ready and head to the hospital. We were waiting for the phone call to tell us what time to come in, but instead of telling us that, they called to tell us that I would not be getting induced the following day as planned.
I was so disappointed. I was in tears. The head of L&D had overruled my Dr. and said I could not come in. I was mad actually. There was nothing more I could do and so we settled in for another night hoping I would go into labor on my own. The next day I was to go back in and see Dr. A. He told us the same thing again, that we would be induced the following day. We headed back to the house to wait for the phone call the next morning. When they called and they told us the induction plan was canceled again.  My Dr. had tried to convince the head of L&D that there was no concern that our baby was small, it would not need an incubator, but that he just wanted to deliver it A.S.A.P. to avoid any complications. I was now 9 days overdue and the head of L&D said that if by the 28th I had not gone into labor naturally, that he would let me come in for the induction.
Around 4 in the afternoon on the 26th (when I was in the middle of a pity party inside my heart and outside on my face too) we got a call from Dr. A again. He informed us that he had talked with a colleague back in our home town and that if we got there by 6p.m. they had agreed to induce me. We packed up and headed out! I still was praying that I would go into labor on my own and God is faithful. About half way home, my contractions started. We made it to the hospital and got settled into the room on L&D. The Dr. attending the birth was Dr. L. I was not sure what to expect because this was our first meeting. I had built myself up to being ready to give birth with a Dr. in attendance that I had been seeing for years and trusted. I was having difficulty switching that trust to this situation. It was a bit scary for me actually.  They determined that as long as I was progressing at a rate they were comfortable with, they would not turn on the drip. I wish I had taken the time to make a birth plan and talk to more people about their birth experiences before I went in. I had been present at one birth previously, however it was different when I was the one on the bed. If you are reading this and are expecting a baby, particularly your first, please take the time to inform yourself. Talk openly with other women to find out what birth was like for them. Educate yourself and make decisions you feel comfortable with for your baby's birth. If you do this, things will feel more in control and you will have more confidence during your laboring hours and delivery. I would strongly suggest hiring a doula and I can recommend an absolutely wonderful one if you decide to go that route. I wish I had done so.
I did progress for the most part at a rate they were satisfied with and was handling the labor well. I took no pain med intervention and felt good about that. My mom had arrived at the hospital and was walking the halls with me, holding my hand and rubbing my back or getting me ice water. I was so glad to have her there because Greg could not handle all the walking or long periods of standing. (You will understand why in my post later on about his health) When I had been in labor about 20 hours, Dr. L. decided I was no longer progressing fast enough and turned on the drip. Now the labor quickly became much more intense. About half an hour before Jinaea was born, I conceded to the epidural. They called for the anesthetist, but he was in surgery and could not come for half an hour more. The nurse checked me at about 5:25p.m. and said I was about 8cm dilated.  About ten minutes later I told her I felt like I needed to push. She said, "Oh no, you are not ready to push yet." I told her I couldn't stop it. She lifted the sheet and said, "Oh my!" She called for the Dr. I had not screamed or yelled or even moaned loudly up til this point in labor. I pushed once and her head was out. As it came out, I let a small scream out and the nurse beside me said, "Really Michelle. That is not necessary."  I then did something that felt like a completely natural thing for me to do. I reached down to feel the baby's head, only to have my hand swatted away by the Dr. saying "Keep your hands out of here, that is unsanitary."
These are two of the things which I think maybe would have been different had I developed a clear birth plan and shared it with the Dr. when I got to the hospital. I also think that having a Doula there with me would have made a huge difference in my confidence in myself and my body's God given ability to birth.
One more push and she was out. They whisked her away and continued with me. I had to have 1 stitch and there was a little bit of problems with the placenta and bleeding a bit more than normal after. They did have some blood on hand just in case. "IT'S A GIRL" My heart melted.....I couldn't wait to see her and hold her.
Greg was the first one to be able to hold Jinaea. It was a beautiful thing to watch his heart be stolen by this perfect, tiny human being who was part him and part me. She was 8lbs. 1.5oz and 20.5in long. She was born at 5:34p.m. February 27, 2002.
Our miracle baby had arrived.

1 comment:

  1. Goose Bumps Michelle!! Thanks for sharing this!
    When I had gone into Labour with Em and was having contractions one nurse came and told me the same thing about not screaming...quite rude.